My house...

I have been feeling really peaceful the last few weeks which only validates me in my decision to pursue a divorce.  It has been final for a few weeks now and I still have that peace but that doesn't mean its easy or makes me happy to think that I am no longer married.  I feel lonely today.  I ran around the house today picking things up and cleaning a few things so that if someone wants to see it I will be ready.  Unfortunately, I have to sell our home.  I have thought about it a lot and I know it will be ok but it is still hard.  I took the dog out this morning in the back yard and stood on the porch and got teary.  My yard if full of dandelions...which seems symbolic in a way.  Over the 4 years we have lived in this house I have imagined my daughter having her wedding reception here.  I imagined the trees I would buy and plant alone the back fence and the patio we would expand in a larger semi-circle where the reception line would be.  The flowers planted in the beds that would be in bloom...now there are no trees and lots of dandelions.  Maybe that should make me feel better about it, that it isn't what I imagine when I think of it.  That instead it is a mess of weeds.  I feel sad to think that I probably won't have a yard or grass of any kind when we move.  That is hard to think about.  I love sitting on the step and reading a book or just taking in the weather or mountains.  I am, however, excited about the future and the starting fresh in a new location.  Something that is my own.