Last week in my counselor's office he told me "a miracle is happening right now in your home".  Really? How could that possibly be?  But then over the last week I have been thinking about it and he is right.  I see it, however hard it is, he is right.

Letter to my husband:

I just wanted you to know that I have forgiven you.  This brings me peace.  Forgiveness means letting go of the thought of a better past. It is a process not an event. And I have let go.  I know there is no changing the past, the second it happens it is gone.  Also, Forgiveness doesn't equal trust.  I will never be able to trust you.  Your deceit has taken care of that.  I no longer need an apology from you, I probably wouldn't believe it anyway.  An apology would only make you feel better not me.  I want to you know that my forgiveness in no way means that the things you have done are OK.  It only means that I feel peace and am moving on.  Even though there have been some terrible things that have happened I do want you to know that I appreciated the things that you have done for me that are good.  I appreciated your help with the kids when they were little.  I appreciate your kind words to me when I accomplished something.  I appreciated your willingness to let me do things I wanted or needed to do.  And I appreciate the fact that you are able to see that your actions have inhibited our marriage and that you see the need for me to go on with my life without you.  I will always love you, you are the father of my children and my husband of 17 years.  I also want you to know that if my Heavenly Father came to me and said, tomorrow will be new and your husband will be well.  He will not suffer anymore from these things.  He will still struggle from time to time with feelings of inadequecy but will no longer do things that are not good.  You will still struggle with trials this just won't be one of them.  You will remember all the things that have happened and you will grow in them...I would stay.